1.15.2010

on being a mom.


Over the course of being pregnant, it's easy to get caught up in yourself. Your body, your discomfort, your nervous breakdowns when you realize you're fresh out of double stuffed Oreos. (What?) When you're living these moments, it's easy to lose track of what's really going on here. That this stage of your life will just be a small blip in the much bigger picture, and soon you're going to be a mom. Forever.

By this stage in the game, with my stomach stretched to the limit, I'm finally starting to wrap my brain around actually having a baby. I know that some serious pain is coming my way, and I know that I will somehow have to keep another human being alive on a daily basis even though I've never even held a newborn. I've read every book and web site on feeding and vaporizers and swaddling. Although our apartment may be in ruins, the baby room is finished, complete with Tylenol and miniature fingernail clippers. On the surface, we couldn't be more ready.

But the thing is, there's a lot more to all of this than just feeding and changing and protecting. To this person, my name won't be Sara, but Mom. Sure, one day maybe he'll take after his uncles and start calling me "S" or - even better - "Ese," but I'll be his mother. And he's going to be a baby, and then a kid, and then a middle schooler (the horror) and then a teenager and then an adult. And I can't exactly picture what kind of mom I'm going to be. I haven't even thought about it. Dear god, I'm the worst.

At least I have one big thing going for me: my own mom. Honestly, I couldn't have asked for a better example of awesomeness. Although she never concerned herself with being the "cool" mom (thank god), she was always fun. And we were always friends, even when I wore patent leather sneakers (yes, sneakers) and polyester shirts a la John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. And now, as I get ready to embark on this new chapter of my life, I can only hope to have that same relationship with my kids. Sure, I know things are different with boys, and probably a bit simpler in a way, but I plan on taking quite a few plays from my mom's book with this kid. That way, even if we have to deal with a few flooded bathrooms and a few years of accepting grunts as healthy conversation, I can rest easy knowing he'll still probably turn out alright in the end. Call me unoriginal, but that's my plan and I'm sticking to it.

So, happy birthday, Mom! While you're out celebrating with cervezas in Punta Cana, I'll be eating grilled cheese and putting together strollers, but thanks for showing me that I have so much to look forward to.

xoxo Thara (and baby Tham)

4 comments:

Newly Nalevanko said...

Happy Birthday Janet!!..and sar, you're going to make an amazing mother, sam is so lucky and I can't wait to learn from you myself!

Janet Scott said...

Sweet Sara, If ever there was a person unprepared for motherhood, it was moi. Like you, I had never held a newborn, changed a diaper, or even burped a baby. So intimidated by babies was I that I told Dad I didn't especially want to have kids, however..... there was an outside chance that I might adopt one, but only one, some day. And then came you!

The minute you lay eyes eyes on Sweet Sammy Brown you will be head-over-heels in love, understand the sheer gift of motherhood, and be blown away by how lucky and privileged you are to have him in your life. Be careful though, once the baby-love switch gets turned on it sometimes gets hard to turn it back off. (e.g. Ben, Mike, Luke)

You will be an awesome mom! Your sense of humor will take you far. You don't have a competitive bone in your body nor do you hold yourself to a ridiculous standard of perfection. "Roll with the punches" is a lifestyle you're used to. And you love with everything you've got. You've got it made. (Not to mention - you've had the Scott boys and now ACB to give you a slight heads up on what Sam-I-Am might throw at you someday.)

I have been proud of you from the day you took your first tentative step to the day you bravely sang Driving Miss Lazy alone on stage to the day we left you with Crazy Corrine and headed back home from Florida so you could claim your independence.
I wish I had the talent or a way with words to describe how proud I am of you and Anson now. And you will be equally proud of Sam.

Hey, I had a very happy birthday. And we will definitely sip a cervesa or two in honor of our upcoming bundle of joy. I love your blog. And I love you. xo Mom

sbrown237 said...

Sara - So many worries and uncertainties that will all be behind you in a few short months once you bring Sam home and find out what a natural feeling it is to hold him and meet his needs.

I had the fortune to have two baby brothers born, one when I was 15 and again at 17. I became the mini-mom, delighted to care for them while juggling school and my very important social life, plus it got me out of house cleaning which I tried to avoid at all times; hence the bonding with baby siblings!! I fondly tell my own mother that the experience was the best form of birth control she could have ever taught me!!

Then once I passed 25 and most of my friends were getting married and having children along comes Bill Brown with darling little 22 month old Anson Brown in tow with those huge brown eyes and sweet demeanor!! I'm still not sure who won me over or if it was just a "package deal". After four years of being a little dating family we moved on to married life and immediately decided to add to the family with the decision to have Evan (then Connor and had to have the girl - Yikes - Kathryn). So here is Bill, who possessed great parenting skills, and me with my background of younger siblings and Anson's toddler years under my belt as we bring Evan into the world. Bill teased that he knew what I was capable from two years old on but I had to prove myself on the baby skills - LOL

No matter how much "experience" you have,or lack thereof,raising children is one of the greatest, most rewarding experiences ever. Once you have Sam in your arms, you will instinctively know how to hold him and what to do - MOST of the time!! You will have days of sheer joy and some days filled with frustration but you already know it will be well worth it.

I know you and Anson are going to be the GREATEST parents ever and Sam is going to be so loved by all his extended family! I too am very proud of you and Anson and can't wait to meet Sam and watch him grow and develop into a fun toddler, challenging teenager and wonderful young adult!!

Love - Sandy (SiSi)

lb817 said...

J & S! I am bawling over here. There are no words for how I feel about you two. Seriously. Love,
2nd Daughter and BF