10.24.2011

a little love note, from me to you.

Dear Audrey,

With just a few short weeks left to go before your arrival, I'm embarassed that I'm just now getting around to writing my first love note to just you, my sweet girl.

The truth is, with so much going on around me (namely your whirling dervish of a brother, who spins around me like a Tazmanian devil day in and day out), it's hard to find a quiet moment to focus on this life-changing event that really is right around the corner.

But on Friday night, in the wee hours of the morning, I woke from a deep sleep with a sharp pain in my stomach, and for a few quiet hours I thought I might be meeting you sooner rather than later. After tossing and turning in bed for a while, I slipped out of our room, downstairs to the kitchen where I made myself a plate of Eggos. (Once you're here, you'll see how momma likes to eat crazy amounts of sugar soaked in sugar in times of happiness, stress, sadness, physical pain -- anytime, really.) There I sat for close to 2 hours as my stomach hardened and relaxed. As the pain came and went. And slowly melted away.

Although I knew it was a false alarm pretty soon after it all started, I didn't rush back up to bed. Instead I padded around the living room in the early-morning darkness, watched a little Mr. Holland's Opus on TV and just took in the peace and quiet. And as I sat there on the sofa, I couldn't help but think: Pretty soon I'll be sitting here with Audrey, my daughter.

Sara, she's coming.

And deep down inside something started to ache in the best way possible. It was like I could feel my heart swelling inside my chest. And immediately the guilt I'd been feeling for not preparing for you in the same way I did for Sam seemed to just disappear. For soon you will be here, and all those "should haves" and "could haves" won't mean a thing.

You see, if there's one thing I know for sure, it's that you have a lot of love waiting here for you, baby girl. Love and binkies .... and blankets ... and tiny clothes ... and food. A new stroller or baby swing? Ok, you got me there. And yes, let's just say you'll be sporting quite a bit of baby blue, yellow and green in your first few months. And you may or may not be sleeping in a basinette in our walk-in closet upon arrival. (What?)

But babe, despite my slow-going start this time around, I'm ready for you. Excited for you.

My bag is packed. I'm ready to go.

Whenever you're ready, I'll be right here,
Mom

6 comments:

Janet Scott said...

You had me at "Dear Audrey".....

Newly Nalevanko said...

Tear :) Such a great way to start my morning!

Lorrie Belford said...

You know that ball you get in your throat when you try to choke back tears?

Rkoepp said...

Ok, I'm seriously shedding tears. Wow, what a letter to babie girl, Audrey.

Si Si said...

Can't wait for My Fair Lady's arrival.... such anticipation to see what she looks like, what her personality is, etc. Girly baby burpies on their way along with (of course) more girly things (and items for Big Brother too)!!

Deborah S. Bosley, Ph.D. said...

Makes me wish I had written these kinds of notes for Hannah. Imagine when you are able to share this with your beautiful new baby, who won't understand any of it for a while, but will feel it all immediately.